


This

by honooko



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-07
Updated: 2012-01-07
Packaged: 2017-10-29 03:00:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/315091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honooko/pseuds/honooko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ohno doesn't seem to remember and Nino's not sure he wants him to. Inspired by the canon statement that Ohno sends Nino drunk texts confession his love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This

Ohno had been drinking since he came of age, and probably before; but they avoided that topic, since it led to uncomfortable things like suspension. Nino suspected it had a lot to do with Ohno’s level of comfort. The older man often felt a little awkward socially, finding it hard to put his thoughts into words clearly. Speaking his mind was difficult because he was constantly being misunderstood. Alcohol provided him a little more confidence and a little more courage to speak despite potential disaster.

The trouble was, Ohno had a bad habit of drinking beyond ‘relaxed’ and on into ‘wasted’. It was funny in a kind of sad way. Ohno would laugh and say whatever occurred to him, even yell at someone if he felt like it. He went from a fairly introverted man into a man who didn’t really care about his appearance at all. The Sho and Jun tended to take him out of the public eye at this point, preferring to see Ohno act like a drunken buffoon in private. Aiba was usually equally drunk, encouraging and falling asleep on people in his random booze-induced narcolepsy.

Nino was rarely present. He had little tolerance for alcohol and found no real enjoyment in it, so when the others grouped up to go drinking, Nino would decline and go home to unwind in his own way.

But Ohno’s drunken bravery led him to do strange things. Suddenly he would find himself needing to tell Nino with no lack of detail and enthusiasm that he was madly in love with him forever and always. At first, this involved drunk-dialing his best friend and crooning butchered love songs to him at ass o’clock in the morning. Nino would hang up, but Ohno kept calling back, until finally Nino would just sigh and allow Ohno to confess until he fell asleep with the phone open.

Gradually, Ohno started calling and declaring with passionate words that he loved Nino, truly madly deeply, until the end of time. Nino would hum his agreement, assuring Ohno that yes, yes he loved him too, now have you had some water recently because we have work in the morning and you don’t want to have a hangover, Oh-chan.

The trouble was, Ohno never _remembered_ in the morning. He didn’t recall calling, he didn’t recall confessing, nothing. He blacked out the period of time entirely and Nino didn’t mention it to him.

Nino couldn’t decide whether or not he wanted to believe Ohno’s confessions. He’d liked Ohno for so long; it started as a childish crush and over time grew into a real, lasting affection for him. Nino had long since accepted that nothing would come of his feelings, and that admitting it to Ohno was more trouble than it was worth. He was happy enough just being best friends and being the one that Ohno came to when he needed someone.

Somewhere along the line, Ohno decided with his drunken logic that calling wasn’t being clear enough, so he would stumble to Nino’s house and bang on the door until Nino let him in. Once inside, he would ramble off his declarations of love until Nino forced him into a spare futon and got him to sleep. He didn’t remember these either, and Nino just told him upon waking that Sho had asked him to pick Ohno up and keep an eye on him. Ohno never thought to question the validity of these statements.

One night about a month after these visits started, Nino was woken as usual to Ohno’s knocking. Glancing at the clock, and swore; 3am was an ungodly hour to be woken up, best friend or no. Not even bothering to throw a shirt on, he stumbled to the door in his sweatpants and opened it, shooting Ohno a sufficiently filthy look.

But for once, words of affection didn’t immediately start spilling from Ohno’s lips. Instead, with a remarkable amount of speed considering how drunk he clearly was, Ohno had Nino pressed to the wall, kissing him.

Nino started to push him away, started to protest, but Ohno was insistent and Nino could taste the tequila on his tongue. Ohno was warm and his hands were firm and steady on Nino’s waist and it was all he could do not go limp in those arms. Rationally, letting this happen was completely and utterly wrong; Ohno was drunk, _very_ drunk, and more than a little friendly. But Nino was never very good at resisting things he wanted, especially when said ‘things’ seemed to want him just as much.

Feeling his resolve slipping away with every brush of Ohno’s fingers, Nino broke the kiss and gasped out, “Ohno, Oh-chan. _Oh-chan._ ” He needed Ohno to understand, needed to know what the _hell_ was going on, needed to know that this was going to be something neither of them was going to regret, assuming they did ‘this’ at all.

“I’m in love with you,” Ohno murmured into Nino’s ear, his breath hot across the skin and smelling of alcohol.

Nino had never in his life wanted to believe someone more than he wanted to believe Ohno right that second.

“Let me show you, Nino,” Ohno breathed, and Nino knew that very second that there was no way he was going to say no. It was too much all at once, and even as he felt vaguely sick with himself for even considering taking advantage of Ohno’s lessened inhibitions, he also knew this was probably the only chance he was ever going to get to be with Ohno like this.

Nino let Ohno steer him to the bed. He let Ohno’s hands and lips roam his body, pulling off his sweatpants with no resistance. He let his eyes fall closed against the sudden pang of bitterness he felt when he realized that no matter how enjoyable this might be, Ohno likely wouldn’t remember it in the morning.

“Nino?” Ohno’s voice cut through his thoughts. “What’s wrong?”

‘He noticed,’ Nino said in his mind. ‘Even completely smashed, he still notices.’

“Nothing’s wrong,” he lied, forcing a smile.

“You look sad,” Ohno commented with a frown. “Why are you sad?”

“I’m not sad,” Nino lied again, stroking Ohno’s cheek with his thumb. “Honestly. I’m really, really happy.” Had Ohno been in a clearer state of mind, he would have seen the shadow across Nino’s eyes and the tightness of his smile that gave away the lie. But as it was, he believed the younger man’s words.

As much as it was breaking Nino’s heart, he was enjoying Ohno’s touch. Even drunk he was remarkably gentle, exploring Nino’s body and mapping it with his fingertips and tongue inch by inch. Nino hadn’t expected the overwhelming rush of sensation as Ohno prepared him, and part of him began to wonder; if it felt this amazing to be intimate with Ohno when he was drunk out of his mind, would it be that much more powerful if he was sober? But these thoughts were driven from his mind once Ohno had entered him, along with any other thoughts beyond ‘faster, harder, _more_.’

When Nino came, he was completely silent save for the sigh of release that, in his mind, was the sound of his heart letting go.

As predicted, Ohno didn’t remember the next morning. He’d been flustered to wake up naked in Nino’s bed, but Nino shrugged it off with ‘You spilled on your clothes, once you passed out it seemed like too much work to dress you again…’ In his embarrassment, Ohno failed to notice the way Nino’s hands were shaking.

Over the following two weeks, Ohno arrived at Nino’s twice more. Each time, Nino made no effort to stop his advances, and each time he lied when asked about it the following morning. Ohno suspected something was off, but couldn’t bring himself to ask for details because of the shadows in Nino’s eyes. He felt bad, but with the limited span of time he remembered clearly, he had no way to confirm his fears.

Then, breaking from his usual pattern, Ohno ended up at his own home one night. Nino received a phone call from him, which at first he ignored. But Ohno kept calling, and finally Nino answered, worried that something was seriously wrong. Ohno told Nino to come over, sounding anxious. Nino of course agreed; if Ohno needed him, then he wasn’t going to question that. But as he stepped through Ohno’s front door, he realized that it wasn’t nearly as serious as he’d been lead to believe.

Ohno’s breath on his neck was damp and sticky, and Nino could feel his arousal through his jeans. Was this what he’d been reduced to? Just an outlet for Ohno’s sexual energy every time he got a little more than smashed? It hurt like a sharp burning ache beneath his ribs, but… he couldn’t deny since this was the only way he’d ever get to have Ohno, he’d take it. Nino felt so bitterly used, but it was _Ohno_ ; he couldn’t say no.

Laid flat on his back on Ohno’s bed, Nino watched Ohno kneel above him, every angle of his face sharply highlighted by the streetlights shining through the window.

“I love you, you know,” Nino whispered softly. Ohno said nothing for a moment.

“S’okay, I love you too,” he slurred with a grin. Nino smiled back, but his heart wasn’t in it. The words didn’t mean anything to him if they were only true under the influence.

“I wish this meant something. Anything,” he said, low and raw into the dark. Ohno murmured wordlessly in response, and Nino merely turned his head to the side so Ohno wouldn’t see the glistening of tears. He didn’t cry easily, but repeated wounds to his heart were enough to break down even the toughest walls.

As soon as Ohno fell asleep, Nino pressed a kiss to his forehead, got dressed, and left. He could explain away Ohno’s presence in his home, but not the other way around.

Besides; he knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

Ohno woke up with a pounding headache and come dried on his sheets. As if that weren’t odd enough, there was a distinctly used condom on the floor near the trash, as though it had been tossed and not quite made it. To his absolute horror, Ohno realized he must have slept with someone, but he had no idea who. Deciding he needed some serious advice, he left for work, determined to ask his friend’s advice.

Nino arrived at the studio before Ohno did, and he’d only been there a few moments before Sho was at his side, a hand in the small of Nino’s back and a worried expression on his face. He gently steered Nino to the side, and asked quietly, “Are you okay?”

“Eh?” Nino replied, his voice and face edged with exhaustion. Sho’s frown deepened, and his free hand came up to rub at Nino’s arm comfortingly.

“You seem tired. Are you feeling okay?” Sho asked again, watching Nino’s face carefully. Nino didn’t answer, staring at his hands. And then, quietly:

“I didn’t get much sleep. There was… a lot going on.”

Sensing that this was exactly the problem, Sho didn’t say another word. He simply took Nino’s hand and pulled him to the couch, sitting and tugging Nino into his arms. Nino sighed, relaxing into Sho’s embrace. Sho had the strangest ability to make Nino feel as though nothing in the world could hurt him, because Sho would protect him. Or at the very least, be there to help him pick up the pieces with a gentle smile.

“What happened?” Sho asked softly, waiting until he felt Nino calm a bit.

“I think I’ve lost my mind,” Nino laughed bitterly. Sho didn’t attempt to contradict him; he knew Nino wouldn’t listen when he was in this kind of mood. He just waited, rocking Nino in his arms until he felt like explaining.

“I slept with Ohno,” Nino admitted.

There was a long moment when Sho could have sworn he’d misheard. He knew Nino was crazy about Ohno, but he knew almost all of Nino’s secrets, and to be fair, the younger boy had never attempted to be subtle about his affections. Anyone with eyes knew about the crush save for Ohno himself, it seemed. But if they had gotten together, he would have known, surely. Nino would have said something before now. And he hadn’t said ‘I’m dating Ohno’, he’d said ‘I slept with Ohno’, two very different things.

With a horrible sinking feeling (even as he refused, _refused_ to believe Ohno would do anything to hurt Nino), Sho asked, “Was it something you wanted?”

“I…” Nino started, but paused to collect his thoughts. “Yes. But not like that.”

“Nino, did he—“ Sho swallowed against the sudden lump of fear in his throat. “Did he force you?”

“What?!” Nino yelped, jerking in Sho’s arms. “No! Nothing—nothing like that.” Sho exhaled, relieved. He hadn’t really thought Ohno was capable of that kind of thing, but still. Slumping against Sho’s chest again, Nino fiddled with one of Sho’s shirt buttons and mumbled, “I could’ve—should’ve said no. But I didn’t.”

“Everybody screws up sometimes, Nino,” Sho soothed.

“We did it three—no, wait. Four times.”

“Admittedly, most people would recognize the pattern at that point,” Sho sighed, wondering how it was Nino got himself into these messes. “I thought you liked Ohno?”

“I do,” Nino confirmed. “A lot. For a long time now.”

“Then what’s the problem with being together?”

“The problem is we’re _not_ together,” Nino said, his voice sounding suddenly pained. “Four totally separate times we’ve had amazing, mind-blowing sex and every single time, he’s so drunk that he doesn’t remember it at all.”

Sho had no immediate response to that. No matter how he looked at it, both men had behaved in tremendously stupid ways, especially considering how important they were to each other.

“The worst part?” Nino said, a hollow smile on his face. “Part of the reason I keep saying yes is because I don’t want to be someone who’s so easy for him to forget.”

“Oh, Nino,” Sho murmured, his heart breaking for his friend. Nino didn’t mind being ignored or looked over by people he didn’t give a damn about, but when someone truly mattered to him, it tore him to pieces if that person didn’t care about him just as much.

“I’m pathetic, aren’t I?” Nino muttered as he pressed his face to Sho’s shoulder.

“No,” Sho assured him. “You love him. People do stupid things when it’s love.”

“Is it okay if I just… sit here with you for a while?” Nino asked, feeling as though he hadn’t slept in weeks, instead of hours. Sho pressed a quick kiss to Nino’s temple, determined to show Nino every bit of the warmth he was missing.

“Of course. I’ll wake you up when it’s time for the shoot, okay?”

“Thanks,” Nino said, his eyes already falling shut.

Ohno arrived miraculously on time despite his distraction, frazzled and ashamed and praying that he hadn’t made a scandal inadvertently. Unfortunately, the chances of him getting away from this scot-free seemed slim to none.

The first person he went to was Jun, not because Jun would have an experience in this area, but because Jun was smart and the least likely to scold him within an inch of his life.

“Jun-chan,” he said, grabbing Jun’s elbow. “How do I figure out who I slept with last night but don’t remember at all because I was also pretty drunk?”

Jun blinked, Ohno’s babble carefully filtering through his mind. Choosing not to ask exactly how Ohno found himself in this predicament, he said with as delicate a tone as he could manage under the circumstances, “Did you check your phone?”

“My phone?” Ohno repeated in confusion.

“Your phone. See who you called; she might have even put her number in your contacts. Girls think we think it’s cute when they do that,” he shrugged.

Ohno pulled out his cell phone, quickly flipping through his contacts list, but to his dismay, he recognized all the names. Trying the recent calls, all he came up with was Nino.

“No good,” he sighed in defeat. “I just called Nino.”

“Captain,” Jun said in a can-you-really-be-that-oblivious tone. “You can’t exactly rule Nino out.”

Ohno blinked owlishly at Jun in confusion. What was he talking about? He had called Nino, sure, but Nino wouldn’t _sleep_ with him; that was absurd. They were best friends, not lovers. Nino didn’t think of him like that.

…Right?

“If… If I slept with Nino,” Ohno said carefully. “That would make me the biggest asshole ever.”

“Just about,” Jun agreed casually, patting Ohno on the shoulder.

“But—but I _like_ Nino, I wouldn’t do that. I—“

 _Nino was so strangely soft under his hands, so warm, like he could actually burst into flame from the sheer heat of desire. His voice was heavy and rich as he murmured his pleasure. Ohno tasted the sweat along the underside of Nino’s jaw, feeling Nino’s groan with his lips and tongue._

Oh, damn. That had been a little… precise for a fantasy. Which meant that it had somehow really happened.

“I,” Ohno announced, “Should be punched. Hard. Repeatedly.”

“I’ll be sure to let Nino know,” Jun commented dryly.

“I have to find him,” Ohno insisted. “I have to apologize, or—I don’t know, fix this somehow. I can’t just—leave it.”

“Ohno, that might not be the best idea,” Jun cautioned. “If you really did… do that, he’s not exactly going to be looking forward to your company. You might want to just let it be for a while.”

“But he’ll be upset!” Ohno cried, clearly feeling that this was the worst thing of all. He couldn’t stand knowing that Nino was hurt because of him.

“Look, he’s with Sho right now. Sho’s taking care of him. If you really want to discuss this _now_ , he’s probably still there, but I warn you; he’s not going to be thrilled to see you right now,” Jun informed Ohno with a gesture towards the room Sho and Nino had entered. Ohno nodded distractedly, already attempting to find the right words to make up his apology.

He stumbled through the door, stopping short at the sight of Nino curled in Sho’s arms. It was easy to forget that for all the big personality, Nino was small and lightly built. He was easily the lightest of the five, and only barely taller than Ohno, but no matter how much he tried, he would never have the muscle or bulk of some of the other members. Tired and worn, Nino seemed to almost fold in on himself, taking up little space and fading from his usual brightness.

Meeting Sho’s eyes, Ohno felt himself wilt. Sho’s expression was so… disappointed, and at the same time protective. Taking a deep breath, Ohno prepared himself to convince Sho that it was okay to leave them alone together, but he was interrupted by Sho smiling a bit sadly and shaking his head.

“I hope you’ve learned a lesson, here,” he murmured softly so as not to wake Nino. Ohno nodded, unable to quite find the words he was looking for. Carefully stepping forwards, he sat next to Sho, and without a word they shifted the sleeping Nino from Sho’s chest to Ohno’s. Nino murmured, frowning a bit as his resting spot changed. Sho patted Ohno’s shoulder encouragingly and then slipped out of the room, leaving them alone.

Gently, hesitantly, Ohno let his hand settle on the small of Nino’s back. He stroked softly and soothingly, overcome with a sudden sense of wonderment at how warm and solid Nino was in his arms. Despite his care, Nino stirred awake at the change, tilting his head back and blinking at Ohno for a moment. The older boy could almost see the pieces of understanding clicking slowly into place in Nino’s head.

“Hi,” Ohno said quietly, holding his breath.

“You’re not Sho,” Nino responded cleverly, his voice fogged with sleep. Ohno smiled at him, shaking his head.

“No,” he agreed before dropping into silence again. He was terrified to realize he really had no clue what to say, or even where to start, and the more than Nino woke up the more questions he’d have to answer.

But to his surprise, Nino sighed heavily and tucked himself back down against Ohno’s chest. Confused, Ohno’s hand slid through Nino’s hair as he questioned, “Nino?”

“I’m tired,” Nino responded flatly, his nose pressed into the crook of Ohno’s neck. “I’m so tired, Oh-chan.” The second statement was laden with a thousand times more meaning, his voice weary and layered with emotion. It broke Ohno’s heart just to hear it. He knew he needed to say something, reassure Nino somehow, but… the words wouldn’t come. He wasn’t even sure what kind of apology was needed. Sorry for using you? But that wasn’t right, it was _Nino._ Even drunk it had been Nino, that was the point. No one else filled him with such an intense need, and no one else would have been right. Then, sorry for not mentioning it? But that wasn’t right either. He hadn’t really remembered the events any more clearly than if he had dreamed it, and had been given no reason to think otherwise. Nino—

Wait.

How many times in the past few months had he woken up with Nino and been brushed aside? How many times had Nino told him it was nothing, just a little too much drinking and Sho’s worrying?

How many of those times had been a lie?

“Nino,” Ohno said, tightening his hold on the boy just a bit. “It… it doesn’t have to be true, if you… if you don’t want it to be.”

“What are you talking about?” Nino sighed again, not awake enough to interpret Ohno’s words.

“It… it can be a dream. Never happened. Just… in our—my mind, if you want,” Ohno struggled to get out, the words getting stuck around the lump in his throat. Wasn’t this why he’d never said anything? It hurt, telling Nino that he didn’t mind if he was forgotten, that whatever had happened between them could be erased and ignored, if he wanted it to be. Ohno wouldn’t, couldn’t, forget but if Nino would rather pretend it never happened, than Ohno could pretend. For his sake.

“…A dream,” Nino repeated hollowly.

“If—if you want.”

“Ohno,” Nino said. “Oh-chan, I—do you want that?”

“No,” Ohno said smoothly. He couldn’t lie to Nino. “But if it fixes things, I’ll do it.” ‘For you’ echoed silently, unspoken, after.

“You still don’t get it, do you?” Nino laughed bitterly, one hand clenching on Ohno’s shoulder. “All that—all _this_ , and you still haven’t figured it out.”

Ohno wanted to answer that, but he really had no idea what Nino was talking about. It seemed better to just keep his mouth closed until Nino either explained, or he could ask without bothering Nino more. But the boy stayed quiet, and seemed to curl in on himself even further, so Ohno asked, “What do you want?”

And shaking, Nino answered, “This.”

“…this what?”

“This,” Nino repeated, and for the first time, Ohno could hear the hint of fear in Nino’s voice. “Like this, with you.” And then, so quietly Ohno almost didn’t hear, Nino added, “I’m sorry.”

Ohno looked at them, really _looked_ for what felt like the hundredth time. Nino fit against him, warm and alive and clinging, his fingertips leaving burning spots of awareness on Ohno’s skin. Ohno could feel as much as hear Nino breathing, and it occurred to him that it shouldn’t be so easy to take Nino in his arms like this and have everything feel right. Their relationship was straining, on the verge of breaking apart over something Ohno couldn’t quite accurately name, but it faded into the background when he could just tilt his head a few centimeters and smell Nino’s hair.

Nino wanted… this?

This closeness, always closer than normal people and always as natural as breathing for them; this ability to feel safe and at ease with each other without even trying; this feeling of connection, like speaking isn’t really always needed because words just clutter up a perfectly clear message; this.

But at the same time, Ohno got the idea Nino was after more than just that comfort that they’d always had together.

“I didn’t forget, you know,” Ohno said before he’d quite realized he was speaking. “I just didn’t think it could have really happened.”

“You forgot,” Nino insisted. “You asked me and I lied and you believed me.”

“You don’t lie to me a lot, you know,” Ohno responded, a bit hurt. “It seemed like you wanted to undo it all.”

“So you just let me take it back?” Nino snapped, defensive.

“Yes,” Ohno replied, unashamed. “If lying hurts you less, I’ll lie with you.”

Nino lifted his head from Ohno’s chest, staring, searching his eyes for something that he evidently couldn’t find. Something in his expression went dark, scared and… hopeful?

“You said y—“

“I love you,” Ohno interrupted without meaning too. He hadn’t ever intended on confessing, but they’d come this far. He added softly, the same as Nino, “I’m sorry.”

“Do you still love me if I said I didn’t love you?”

“Yes.”

“If I said I hated you, I never wanted to talk to you again?”

“Yes.”

“And if I loved you too, so much that it kind of hurts every time you smile at people who aren’t me, and that I can remember how you smell and how your face looks in the dark when I accidentally touch you and that no matter how stupid I tell myself it is, I forgave you for hurting me as soon as it happened because I just… I just wanted to pretend for a little while that you really did love me?”

“That’s a lot of words,” Ohno said rather unnecessarily, but added, “But I still love you.”

“Even,” Nino said, suddenly more unsure than Ohno had seen him in years. “Even without the beer goggles on?”

“Just ‘cause I was only brave enough to do anything about it under the influence doesn’t mean I don’t love you without it,” Ohno said with a wry smile. “And it was tequila.”

“Oh,” Nino answered, the wind in his sails draining with remarkable speed. His chin dropped to his chest, and he fiddled with one of Ohno’s shirt buttons, finding that he seemed to have said everything and completely run out of words. Except he still didn’t know what happened next.

“So,” he said finally, not meeting Ohno’s eyes. “…Where does that leave us?”

“I… don’t know,” Ohno admitted. “This is kind of…”

“Unusual?” Nino finished sheepishly. “Yeah.”

“We could… date? Maybe?” Ohno suggested, and Nino snorted back a laugh.

“Please, contain your enthusiasm,” he said dryly. Ohno pouted, his honor affronted.

“I’m serious, we could go out!” he informed Nino. “Movies and dinner and stuff!”

“We do that _already_ ,” Nino pointed out.

“But I don’t kiss you during the boring parts of the movie,” Ohno reminded, barely managing to keep a straight face. Nino choked, looking at Ohno with wide eyes. He swallowed, and suddenly Ohno had a very hard time looking at Nino’s face anywhere except his lips. He was used to the force of his attraction to Nino, used to how quickly he’d be overcome with the desire to touch and see if that skin was as smooth as it looked, but he’d never tried to battle the emotion with the knowledge that he might, possibly, be allowed to actually do it.

“…Are you going to kiss me now?” Nino asked, his voice lower and softer than before, almost hesitant. And Ohno would have asked if he could, if it was okay, but somehow the words turned into just leaning forward and asking with a touch of his lips.

They’d kissed before, and Ohno remembered it vaguely the way someone remembers a childhood event from decades before; certain details are intensely clear, but rarely are they anything that really matter. But kissing Nino here and now, he remembered how Nino tended to tilt his head to the left (‘He’s left handed,’ Ohno thought as though this explained it), and how his mouth was arguably the most expressive part of him even without speaking. But this time he was also aware of how Nino’s right hand was on Ohno’s upper arm, stroking and slipping his fingers under the edge of his sleeve to touch at bare skin. He noticed how Nino couldn’t hold still for kissing anymore than he could for interviews, and he shifted in tiny ways constantly; tucking a knee under himself so he could lean forward, nudging at the corner of Ohno’s mouth with the tip of his tongue.

When they broke apart for air, foreheads still together as though separating just that much was more than they could handle, Nino grabbed Ohno’s hands and held them tightly, just to reassure himself that it was all real. Ohno squeezed back, a soft breathy laugh sneaking out before he’d noticed.

“This,” Ohno repeated from before, firm and filled with a bizarre sensation of floating, almost dizzy with happiness. It sounded silly and cliché, but he couldn’t help but notice how accurate those cheesy descriptions of love sounded when he applied them to Nino.

“Come over tonight,” Nino said before he lost his nerve. Ohno squeezed his hands again, wanting with every fiber of his being to say yes but no entirely sure Nino wanted him to. Was he supposed to refuse, save it to be something special?

“Okay,” he agreed, finding he didn’t actually have the willpower to say no.

The rest of the day went by in a blur; everyone shot them knowing glances, and Aiba-chan only blinked for a few seconds before informing Nino in a very loud voice that he had ‘afterglow’ and giving him a great big thumbs up, hooting. Nino punched him in the arm, but he was still grinning. Ohno found himself fidgeting and restless, unable to concentrate with the meeting still looming as a prize at the end of the day.

Finally, they were done, but to his disappointment, Nino wouldn’t let them go together.

“In an hour and a half, come over,” he insisted, a sneaky grin piquing Ohno’s curiosity. So he went home, ate some dinner, and busied himself with pointless tasks, glancing at the clock every few seconds until finally the right amount of time had passed. He practically flew to Nino’s house, waiting impatiently on the doorstep after knocking.

Nino opened it, and Ohno’s breath was momentarily robbed from him. Nino must have showered, because his hair was still wet and a few beads of water slid down his neck and disappeared behind the soft collar of his t-shirt. Forcing his eyes back to Nino’s face, Ohno managed a smile, feeling the tight coil of arousal in his belly.

Nino watched him, eyes open and feline, taking in Ohno completely before stepping back and inviting him wordlessly inside. Ohno smiled gratefully, his hands in his pockets as he entered, tense and ready and suddenly wondering if he’d misunderstood what Nino meant, asking him here.

He was too distracted to notice that Nino’s palms were sweating, and his heart was pounding in his ears. They’d done this before, yes, but it had been different because it was unexpected, not to mention the fact that each time, Ohno had started it. Now that both were sober and aware of what was going to happen, taking that first step seemed much harder than Nino had initially expected. But he was good at awkward situations and good and getting people to relax; after a moment of unsurety, his instincts kicked in. Nino slid up behind Ohno, hands moving to Ohno’s shoulders and rubbing the tightness out.

“You’re tense,” he murmured, his voice coming out a bit more rough than expected. Ohno turned his head, looking ready to apologize, but Nino cut him off with a chaste kiss to his cheek. “Nevermind,” he said sweetly, “Upstairs?”

Ohno’s heart skipped a beat.

“Yes,” he said, the word referring to every single one of the thousands of questions in Nino’s eyes. The next thing Ohno was aware of, they’d already walked up the flight of stairs to Nino’s room, hand in hand, and Nino was closing (and locking) the door behind them.

“Your family—“ Ohno started, remembering that Nino’s sister’s room was right next door.

“They went to my grandfather’s for the weekend,” Nino interrupted, coming to stand directly in front of Ohno. They faced each other, not quite touching but so close Ohno could feel the warm puffs of air as it left Nino’s lungs. “We’ve got the place to ourselves.”

“I want to touch you,” Ohno said softly into the space between them.

“I’m not stopping you,” Nino responded.

“I don’t want you to ‘not stop me’,” Ohno answered instantly, his voice serious. “I want you to want me to touch you.”

Annoyed, Nino met Ohno’s eyes, a flash of irritation and heat going across his expression. “I asked you over here, I showered so I wouldn’t be gross from work, I made absolutely sure there was no way we’d be interrupted and I’m standing here, waiting for you to make a move. How the hell is that _not_ wanting you?!”

“What do you want?” Ohno asked firmly.

“I want _you_ ,” Nino snapped, feeling the tension of the past few weeks wrapped tightly around his heart.

“Then take what you want with your own two hands,” Ohno said simply.

Somehow, in that instant, everything in Nino’s head clicked into place. It wasn’t a matter of getting what he wanted, it was just a matter of getting it for himself. Ohno wasn’t saying no, he was saying anything except that if Nino wanted this, he had to come get it.

So he took Ohno’s face in his hands and kissed him.

Ohno kissed back, hot and deep until Nino pressed them together tightly, a soft noise escaping his throat. His hands settled low on Nino’s back, sometimes dropping to the slight curve of his ass and taking delight in the almost-whine that Nino made when he squeezed lightly. Nino was drowning in the taste, the feel of Ohno’s mouth against his, amazed at the fact that no matter how demanding he was, Ohno would return it. He’d never been a big fan of just _kissing_ before, but with Ohno he realized he would happily do just this for the rest of his life.

They broke apart just long enough to draw air, and Ohno gasped, “ _Nino_ ,” as though the name was a sexual act all by itself. Nino shivered, suddenly needing the support of something solid beneath him so he could concentrate fully on Ohno and only Ohno. Backing them up to the bed, he didn’t need to encourage Ohno to follow him down; he knelt by Nino on the coverlet without prompting, his hands pulling up the hem of Nino’s t-shirt. Years of lightning-quick costume changes were so deeply programmed into their bodies that before either had quite realized it, their clothing was piled on the floor and the air felt warmer than Tokyo in the dead of summer, hot and sticky and heavy on their skin.

Ohno wanted to explore Nino’s body, knowing it completely by sight but never having the chance or the time to know it by touch and taste. He didn’t need to ask if it was okay, if Nino was enjoying it; Nino loved attention and Ohno knew his best friend was insanely sensitive under the right circumstances. There was so much that he normally would ask and confirm that he found he didn’t have to, simply because this was _Nino_ , and he knew Nino almost as well as he knew himself. He counted Nino’s ribs with his lips, a nip at each rise of bone, his fingers wandering across the dips and hollows of Nino’s skin as he memorized every centimeter. Nino’s own hands were buried in Ohno’s hair, massaging at his scalp encouragingly; every time Ohno nibbled at his side, Nino punctuated it with a sigh of pleasure.

Meandering down Nino’s stomach, he paused to lick at the ticklish spot just below his navel, and Nino’s breath hitched. He squirmed a bit, his back arching, not in attempt to get away from Ohno’s touch but just an outlet for the anxious energy the sensation caused. Ohno put a hand low on each of Nino’s hips, his long fingers brushing at the back of Nino’s thighs. Instinctively, Nino planted his feet on the bed and Ohno found himself kneeling between Nino’s thighs. Without a second thought, he licked up Nino’s cock.

Nino groaned, low and gravelly, his hands clenching in the bed sheets rather than Ohno’s hair. He hadn’t been expecting it, no matter how close Ohno’s mouth had gotten, and it jerked him into a state of heightened awareness. Somehow, none of his fantasies or even actually _having sex_ with Ohno could have prepared him for the sheer intensity, and he could feel himself starting to go to pieces long before he wanted to. Grabbing at Ohno’s shoulders desperately, he tried to push him off, _away_ , anything to give him a moment to collect himself again.

Ohno backed off, only having to glance at Nino’s face to understand. Too much too soon, then; he ignored the impulse to drive Nino over the edge despite his wishes and waited for some sort of signal to continue.

“Sorry,” Nino panted after a moment, sitting up and reaching for Ohno. Smiling, Ohno nuzzled at Nino’s throat, sliding his arms around Nino’s slender waist.

“More?” He asked, letting his palm skate smoothly up and down Nino’s back. Nino didn’t immediately respond, and for a heartbeat Ohno wondered if maybe this was as far as Nino wanted to go, tonight. But then he felt Nino’s _hand_ on his _cock_ and damn if that didn’t shut down any and all thought processes at once.

“More,” Nino agreed with a purr as Ohno hissed and slumped against Nino’s chest. The calluses on his fingers from years of playing steel strings added the most unusual edge to his touch, and Ohno let out tiny whimpers with every breath. Nino’s touch was firm, but like everything he did, it was playful, and Ohno could feel the younger boy bringing him right up to the edge before nudging him back down again, over and over until he was either going to come, or die waiting.

“What do you think?” Nino breathed against his ear. “Am I going to get to ride you tonight, or do I get to fuck you into the floor?”

Of course he’s a dirty-talker, Ohno thought. Of _course._

“I think,” Ohno gasped as Nino continued to stroke him maddeningly slow. “I still get a few do-overs from before, right?”

Nino giggled, and somehow the sound was enough to take the already heady feelings of arousal and color them with an incredible warmth because it just sunk home the knowledge that he was with Nino. Nino, in all his immature, bratty, penny-pinching ways. Nino, with his unexpected affections and confusing depths. Nino, with his words and his smiles and his cute, round hands.

“I love you,” Ohno said, breathing the words directly into Nino’s ear. He could feel Nino melt against him, and despite the sappiness of it all, he couldn’t help but say it over and over again until Nino got so embarrassed, he pushed Ohno lightly in the chest with a flustered, ‘Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first seven times.’

They had to dig a bit to find the necessary items (“I do not even want to ponder the fact that my sister has condoms in her side of the bathroom,” Nino said sternly. “We will never speak of this again.”) and Ohno realized a bit belatedly that if they were really out to prevent the spread of diseases that neither of them actually _had_ , they should have had condoms since before the handjob and blowjob respectively. But it was hard to feel guilty when Nino was being ridiculously adorable considering he was handling lube (“Oops, spilled,” Nino muttered sheepishly as the tube emptied faster than he was expecting).

Nino insisted on putting the condom on Ohno himself, and Ohno was more than happy to agree when it meant that Nino was stroking him, but he did start to protest when Nino then covered his own fingers and, on his hands and knees, started to tease his own entrance.

“Your—your fingers are long,” Nino gasped out as one fingertip slipped inside. “This—is faster.” And while part of Ohno was terribly disappointed he didn’t get to finger Nino himself, he was the first to admit that somehow, Nino on his knees, panting and sweating and moving his fingers in and out of himself so that Ohno could follow, was arguably the hottest thing he’d ever seen.

“Is—is it good, like that?” Ohno asked, his mouth dry. Nino’s eyes were closed and his mouth was open, and every so often Ohno could see a tremor run down Nino’s spine. “I’ve—I’ve never tried, to myself.”

“It’s— _ah_ —it’s better than just— _ah, shit_ —just jerking off,” Nino answered, panting harder. He was trying to just stretch without adding more pleasure, not wanting to finish before they’d gotten to the good part, but it was hard not to feel Ohno’s eyes watching him, appreciating the view and asking questions that were somehow almost innocent.

After three fingers, Nino seemed satisfied, and wiped off his fingers on the edge of the sheet before grabbing Ohno’s shoulder and pulling him close for a heated kiss. Ohno moaned into Nino’s mouth, his hands shaking as he nudged Nino’s legs apart encouragingly. Nino was more than happy to oblige, hooking one leg over Ohno’s shoulder and the other in the crook of Ohno’s elbow. He moaned when he felt the head of Ohno’s cock against him, hot and so damn close to what he really wanted. Ohno didn’t warn him, correctly guessing that the initial surprise of penetration would only add to Nino’s pleasure.

Nino swore, one arm coming up to cover his eyes as his vision blurred. It didn’t hurt, precisely, but it certainly wasn’t comfortable to start with; it never was, and he didn’t expect it to be. But the discomfort was edged with intense pleasure and he groaned, long and drawn-out, using his legs on Ohno’s upper body to urge him deeper.

Ohno obliged, trusting that if Nino needed him to stop, he’d say something. He pushed in, slower than he thought he was humanly capable of and fighting every last urge to just thrust into that tight heat and lose himself in the feeling of Nino’s body around his cock. But years of strict physical training had given him far more control over his body than that, and even as he continued the agonizingly slow thrust into Nino, he could feel the boy relaxing around him. When Nino’s bony pelvis bumped into his, Ohno realized with a start he was buried up to the hilt and shaking.

“Oh gods,” Nino was muttering into his arm. “Oh gods, oh gods.” Ohno laughed breathlessly.

“Let me see,” he panted. “I want to see your face.”

Nino removed the arm, flushed and breathing hard. As soon as he did, Ohno swirled his hips, nudging the tiniest bit, and Nino’s eyes rolled back in his head. He keened, and with a second, stronger thrust, he was shaking. Ohno felt dizzy just watching the expressions darting across Nino’s face. Finally unable to take the slight movements, Ohno pulled back, almost out, before thrusting in again completely.

Nino cried out, immediately covering his mouth with his hand. That single motion sent jets of fire up his spine, and his cock was almost painfully hard. Scrabbling at the sheets, Nino couldn’t even draw enough air to plead for more. It didn’t matter though because Ohno was sliding out again, _in_ again, and Nino knew he wasn't going to be able to last much longer.

Shifting his weight slightly, Ohno managed a different angle that had each thrust dragging across that spot in Nino’s body that sent him to pieces. He arched his back at an angle that to Ohno looked painful, meeting each movement with a buck of his hips. Ohno delighted in the soft cries Nino whimpered, his head tossing as he just tried to hold on. But the entire evening had been foreplay, and no one could last long under that kind of stimulation, and Nino was coming hard between them before Ohno even thought to touch his cock.

As Nino shuddered, his orgasm strong and sudden, his entire body stiffened tight, squeezing Ohno’s buried cock with waves of spasms. Choking, Ohno managed three, four more thrusts (harder than he’d meant to, but Nino wasn't complaining) before he gasped, coming just at the end of a deep thrust. He shook, managing a few more quick slides, wanting to drag out their climaxes as long as possible until the friction was borderline painful. Ohno pulled himself out completely, wincing a bit at the ever-bizarre sticky pull, and removed the condom with shaking hands. He tossed it at the trashcan, not bothering to see if it made it in, finding it far more important to make sure that when he collapsed bonelessly on the bed, he didn’t crush Nino.

For a long moment, neither of them had the breath to speak, not to mention that words seemed a bit in adequate amidst the afterglow. But once Nino could, to an extent, move him limbs again, he rolled over until he was tucked against Ohno’s side. It was almost too warm, even with bare skin, to be that close to another human being. But he liked cuddling an awful lot without sex; after sex, it seemed like a waste to not take advantage of Ohno’s nearness.

“So…” he breathed against Ohno’s collarbones. “You’re not going to forget that, right?” He was joking, but something in his voice registered with Ohno as genuine worry. Shifting onto his side, Ohno grabbed Nino’s hands and held them between them like he’d done thousands of times whenever they napped on whatever set they happened to be on.

“Nope. Or… next time, and the time after that.” He wondered a bit anxiously if he’d overstepped his bounds by implying this was a ‘first of many’ encounter, but something in his gut told him it was okay, and that there wasn’t a foreseeable end to this.

Whatever ‘this’ was.

“Hey,” he added softly, bumping their foreheads together. “It’s okay, if there isn’t a word or anything for… us. Like this.”

Nino made a questioning noise, tucking a leg between Ohno’s as he shifted a bit closer.

“Just ‘cause there isn’t a name for it doesn’t mean it’s not real,” Ohno continued. “It doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”

“Okay,” Nino said, and Ohno could tell just from his voice (quiet, small, but trusting) that Nino believe him. And as sleep tugged at each of them, welcoming, Nino added, “Ohno?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I—“

“And I’m not sorry anymore.”

“…I love you too.”

They fell asleep, wrapped together, Ohno having managed to tug some blankets out from under them. They woke up the same way, Nino dazed but smiling, and Ohno beaming through his bedhead. And somehow, as things always were with them, ‘this’ just… worked. Because they wanted it to, because they believed it could, and because ‘this’ was worth trying for.


End file.
